Hello, fellow bloggers. Today on October 2015 as I turn 35 , I am embarking on an adventure- starting a new blog about myself. CV’s can be really boring at least to write, so I thought I would write a mini autobiography instead. I feel penning details about your life this way is a great way to build up an inventory of memories. It will be an interesting journey to my past and give me an opportunity to relive the best moments from my life in the past 35 years.
Memoir
Initial Phase
Reminiscence
I'll start from the very beginning. I was born to a religious and modest family with very modest means in Shimla District, India on 26th October 1980 in a Christian Hospital called Sanitorium. Both my parents were govt. employees. They worked hard and ceaselessly their entire lives to provide all the needs and ensured that I and my elder brother received the best education available. I was 4 when my father got transferred to Delhi for good. I even had a fleeting suspicion at times that an invisible force had “conspired” me to take up computers as my career. How else could I explain a series of circumstances and intuitive decisions that led me to my parents' transfer and upbringing of me and my brother in a metropolitan city called Delhi from a small town where the education in general is better and so are the facilities. I have had a very happy life so much so that were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning.
My life has been graced by the Almighty and carefully crafted. You somewhere begin with destiny and that's where life can better be understood. Kind of homes we are born is destiny. God gave me destiny by birth. He gave me finest parents a child can aspire for. My father wanted us to be what he always wanted to be - a good academician. My mother's vision was to bring children as god-fearing beings and father's vision was to make kids good academicians. When the Mom's love is loud and clear. I failed to notice that Dad loved me and probably he loved me more than he love my brother. His love and care is mute and hence often go unnoticed. Love of a Dad is often underrated. I regret taking his love for granted.
Sometimes something is missing & something not missing. What worked in my favor was that there was always just enough money not to be wasted and just enough simplicity to value the importance of simplicity. I recognized that as destiny. My parents chose to send us to the the most expensive schools in the city despite struggling hard. That is the value system I imbibed which is when my parents are sacrificing for us what am I going to give back to them. As a kid my dream and aspiration was to give abundance to my parents when I grew up.
My early life was so close to ideal that I cannot in good conscience hold it responsible for my later descent into the compulsive manipulation of zeroes and ones. As the youngest of the two children, I grew up in South Delhi. We are a very close family, and we did most of our activities together. Our family life was centered on sports, school, religion most importantly, and the joy of taking on intellectual challenges. Humorous word play dominated most of our family discussions and, though most of it was at my expense. Being a second born, I find ever so many commonalities with my elder brother in temperament and thought, that it is sometimes amazing. (At the same time I now sympathize and empathize with my own mother). And perhaps because of that we mirror so much of each other’s thoughts, and therefore end up having these absolutely grand arguments and fights, dramatically reacting and over reacting, silent sulks and verbal wars. Not to forget, of course, the fantastic wavelength we are on most times, speaking out each other’s thoughts! With an extra intelligent, talented, athletic elder brother, who always topped his class, played very good cricket, and topped in CBSE later, it was hard to live up to expectations, though none were ever voiced by my parent in front of me. My austere father used to avoid all inessential comforts and luxuries. However all necessities were provided for in terms of food, medicine and education. In fact, I would say mine was a very secure childhood, both materially and emotionally. I thank my parents for an awesome childhood - where life was simple and dreams were boundless.
My childhood memories are mainly just bits and pieces. My memories are the only things that stay constant. I can pull them out like an old book and relive them while the world around me changes so rapidly. My favorite and most vivid memories are the summers of my childhood up until I was about eight. During the summers I and my elder brother would spend most of our vacations in Shimla where my Grandma stayed. Life couldn’t get any better. As a kid, the word “future” meant nothing to me. Sure, I always said “I want to be this when I grow up”, but never thought past that. I can’t blame my childhood lifestyle for not being cautious of what I was doing to myself, but I can still learn from it. My childhood may have been a highlight in my life.
My life has been graced by the Almighty and carefully crafted. You somewhere begin with destiny and that's where life can better be understood. Kind of homes we are born is destiny. God gave me destiny by birth. He gave me finest parents a child can aspire for. My father wanted us to be what he always wanted to be - a good academician. My mother's vision was to bring children as god-fearing beings and father's vision was to make kids good academicians. When the Mom's love is loud and clear. I failed to notice that Dad loved me and probably he loved me more than he love my brother. His love and care is mute and hence often go unnoticed. Love of a Dad is often underrated. I regret taking his love for granted.
Sometimes something is missing & something not missing. What worked in my favor was that there was always just enough money not to be wasted and just enough simplicity to value the importance of simplicity. I recognized that as destiny. My parents chose to send us to the the most expensive schools in the city despite struggling hard. That is the value system I imbibed which is when my parents are sacrificing for us what am I going to give back to them. As a kid my dream and aspiration was to give abundance to my parents when I grew up.
My early life was so close to ideal that I cannot in good conscience hold it responsible for my later descent into the compulsive manipulation of zeroes and ones. As the youngest of the two children, I grew up in South Delhi. We are a very close family, and we did most of our activities together. Our family life was centered on sports, school, religion most importantly, and the joy of taking on intellectual challenges. Humorous word play dominated most of our family discussions and, though most of it was at my expense. Being a second born, I find ever so many commonalities with my elder brother in temperament and thought, that it is sometimes amazing. (At the same time I now sympathize and empathize with my own mother). And perhaps because of that we mirror so much of each other’s thoughts, and therefore end up having these absolutely grand arguments and fights, dramatically reacting and over reacting, silent sulks and verbal wars. Not to forget, of course, the fantastic wavelength we are on most times, speaking out each other’s thoughts! With an extra intelligent, talented, athletic elder brother, who always topped his class, played very good cricket, and topped in CBSE later, it was hard to live up to expectations, though none were ever voiced by my parent in front of me. My austere father used to avoid all inessential comforts and luxuries. However all necessities were provided for in terms of food, medicine and education. In fact, I would say mine was a very secure childhood, both materially and emotionally. I thank my parents for an awesome childhood - where life was simple and dreams were boundless.
My childhood memories are mainly just bits and pieces. My memories are the only things that stay constant. I can pull them out like an old book and relive them while the world around me changes so rapidly. My favorite and most vivid memories are the summers of my childhood up until I was about eight. During the summers I and my elder brother would spend most of our vacations in Shimla where my Grandma stayed. Life couldn’t get any better. As a kid, the word “future” meant nothing to me. Sure, I always said “I want to be this when I grow up”, but never thought past that. I can’t blame my childhood lifestyle for not being cautious of what I was doing to myself, but I can still learn from it. My childhood may have been a highlight in my life.
Education
Since childhood I was a good sports person and was quite popular among my peers in school and college. I took active participation is all sports be it cricket, football, badminton or table-tennis. Fast-forward a few years to high school I decided that sports was too much for me; it was ruling my life. Moreover after an accident while playing football in school that led to multiple fracture and later back-ache injury at later stage, I had to withdraw myself from the sports and was forced to be a mute spectator for some time.
My attitude is pretty much shaped by the way my parents raised me and my brother. I feel that I am able to grow with good perspective and good common sense and understanding of the world. When I look back, it’s abundantly clear that some of the decisions I made at a relatively early age had a major impact on my future. In high school, if I set aside economic and social barriers, then I could pretend that any school and any career I wanted to pursue was 100% possible. But from there, the decisions I made quickly narrowed the field and shrank my world of possibility. For instance, when I selected Commerce in high school, I din't realize that I had already disqualified myself from some of the more specialized programs, and in turn, the careers they allowed. By the time I realized that I was too late. But I soon recognized that Accounts was not something I was interested in and wanted to peruse my career. Hence I decided to do two graduations side by side - one in Commerce and the other in Computes.
My point is: what I do today and what I’ll do for the next 40 years of my life were massively influenced by decisions I made when I was only a teenager. It’s wildly unfair.
My world during high school was pretty limited: friends, sports and the minimum effort required to keep parents and teachers satisfied. And yet, through all my misguided priorities, I somehow managed to achieved to achieve around 85% in 10th and 12th although I knew this wasn't enough for me to qualify for some good colleges. I was always taught and scared by parents and teachers that good grades and post-secondary education were the only paths forward to a good life.
Graduation & Post Graduation
After I passed out of the School, I had no idea what I wanted to do and didn’t even know what kinds of jobs, businesses, or opportunities were even out there. I had no idea how a business actually worked; I understood very little about startups; I certainly had no idea about the ecosystems that surrounded a given industry. Hours were long and pay was meager. But then I'd like to thank my parents, for their love and encouragement all my life. In the 90's when few parents knew what a computer was, and even if they did they could not afford one. Somehow my parents managed to find room in the family budget to buy me a Compaq Presario. They had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but they trusted me and believed in me enough to let me do it. They led by example with courage and unwavering optimism to show me that success is possible against even the most unrealistic odds. Once I was off for graduation, I changed a lot and the change became more pronounced with time. I became more serious about my studies and decided to pursue 2 graduations in parallel. I came across as more confident, the diffidence of my early years having quite been obliterated. I did my Graduation from ANDC College, a constituent college of Delhi University which played an important part in my life in nurturing as 'autonomous learner'. In college I immersed myself in studies and other things.
When I started off with computers. It was clear that technology was having an ever-increasing impact on people’s lives, and at the time (early 2000s), there was still a residual “dot com” mentality. In the few short years since then, CS has been the engine that has propelled drastic innovations, including wireless internet, YouTube, Wikipedia, iPod, and XBox, not to mention ever more powerful and affordable computers.
When one particular mathematics course required that I use a computer, my life changed forever. It was during this time that my father bought me a PC after breaking several of his FDs which costed around 65K in 1997. In the 90's few parents knew what a computer was, and even if they did, they could not afford one. Somehow my parents managed to find room in family budget to buy me a Compaq Presario. They had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but they trusted me and believed in me enough to let me do it. They led by example with courage and unwavering optimism to show me that success is possible against even the most unrealistic odds. I'm sure many that many of us hardcore geeks share the same story. We have fond memories of our first computer and trusting parents who knew somehow their investments in these confounding machines would reap some benefit. I'm not sure that payoff has happened yet. But I'm still having a great time! Still lying in the study room and good enough to practice TurboC and Java with just 32 MB RAM. For one thing, the slight tendency towards obsession that had manifested itself during my childhood now emerged more strongly than ever. To minimize the time not available for programming, I began to eat all my meals in the computer room (it was a rather small one with just my books, my PC and my study table). Learning to program was exciting: stimulating, fun and helped me to develop new ways of thinking. I struggled along at first. Programming and its mysteries were completely opaque to me. Simple successes felt like monumentally epic victories. It was slow going, but I soldiered on. And slowly but surely things started coming into focus. The “aha” moments started becoming more frequent. On the surface I had discovered programming, but deeper down I had found my challenge, my purpose, my zen. I was hooked. Deciphering lines of code was exhilarating – giving birth to that which had previously only existed in my mind. It was genesis and I the binary god. I would long for these moments, so I could pour myself back into the challenge of programming.
Learning to write programs stretches your mind, and helps you think better as luck would have it, rules at home prohibited me from sleeping there. I spent the four years of my Graduation falling in love with computers. I must have been one of the first computer nerds; I worked all hours of the day and night. But by the end of that summer, I was becoming a computer wizard, a skill that I would continue to develop over many years. But there was something I wished I'd learned while doing my Masters in Computers.
When I started off with computers. It was clear that technology was having an ever-increasing impact on people’s lives, and at the time (early 2000s), there was still a residual “dot com” mentality. In the few short years since then, CS has been the engine that has propelled drastic innovations, including wireless internet, YouTube, Wikipedia, iPod, and XBox, not to mention ever more powerful and affordable computers.
When one particular mathematics course required that I use a computer, my life changed forever. It was during this time that my father bought me a PC after breaking several of his FDs which costed around 65K in 1997. In the 90's few parents knew what a computer was, and even if they did, they could not afford one. Somehow my parents managed to find room in family budget to buy me a Compaq Presario. They had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but they trusted me and believed in me enough to let me do it. They led by example with courage and unwavering optimism to show me that success is possible against even the most unrealistic odds. I'm sure many that many of us hardcore geeks share the same story. We have fond memories of our first computer and trusting parents who knew somehow their investments in these confounding machines would reap some benefit. I'm not sure that payoff has happened yet. But I'm still having a great time! Still lying in the study room and good enough to practice TurboC and Java with just 32 MB RAM. For one thing, the slight tendency towards obsession that had manifested itself during my childhood now emerged more strongly than ever. To minimize the time not available for programming, I began to eat all my meals in the computer room (it was a rather small one with just my books, my PC and my study table). Learning to program was exciting: stimulating, fun and helped me to develop new ways of thinking. I struggled along at first. Programming and its mysteries were completely opaque to me. Simple successes felt like monumentally epic victories. It was slow going, but I soldiered on. And slowly but surely things started coming into focus. The “aha” moments started becoming more frequent. On the surface I had discovered programming, but deeper down I had found my challenge, my purpose, my zen. I was hooked. Deciphering lines of code was exhilarating – giving birth to that which had previously only existed in my mind. It was genesis and I the binary god. I would long for these moments, so I could pour myself back into the challenge of programming.
Learning to write programs stretches your mind, and helps you think better as luck would have it, rules at home prohibited me from sleeping there. I spent the four years of my Graduation falling in love with computers. I must have been one of the first computer nerds; I worked all hours of the day and night. But by the end of that summer, I was becoming a computer wizard, a skill that I would continue to develop over many years. But there was something I wished I'd learned while doing my Masters in Computers.
Discovering a Profession
A senior of mine who was working as a computer programmer warned me about the kind of life awaiting anyone foolish enough to aspire to be a computer programmer for a large corporation. Still being a passionate programmer myself in college I always craved for entry into a reputed IT company.
Discovering the joy of programming was the spark that started my professional life. Shortly after I graduated from college, I began working in a start-up as a computer programmer for a large retail corporation based in Germany. I got the opportunity to work in some interesting projects. Things moved fast in start-up land. My coworkers became my new best buds. Like me they were all young, energetic minds with tolerances for caffeine and alcohol. They were my kind of people,” and post-work happy hours became an integral part of my social life. Since the Start-ups tend to work on a skeleton staff — there is no budget for QA, Infra & Design, and that means you have to turn your hand to a bit of everything, which provides invaluable insight into different aspects of running a company and shows how an project develops from inception to end. Also since it was collaborative, rather than a top-down organisation, so we did not have a boss unlike in the traditional sense of the word. This gave us more freedom to be creative and explore our own ideas. We as programmers dealt with everyone;
Being a small company, I had an opportunity to learn every aspect of software life cycle on my own and worked on several domains and languages until I made a final conscious decision to switch to Java since it was more acceptable in the IT sector and there was huge demand for JEE professionals. I worked closely with some fine programmers and I naturally took advantage of the opportunity to study the features that made their code so robust and maintainable.
Expanding My Horizons –
Although I enjoyed programming immensely, after two years or so it became clear to me that our company was not realizing many of the savings possible through the proper engineering of our software. Our manager, who was a very bright techie, had (correctly) arranged his life to spend time with their families rather than immersing themselves in books and discussion groups about cost-effective software development.
Never an introvert I started applying in other companies and soon got hired as a software consultant in a Hong Kong based company providing Risk Management and Business Intelligence Services. I got a chance to go onsite to HK during this period. I would work hard during the week and toured HK on weekends on backpack and had interesting experiences which will remain fresh in my mind forever. My 4-month long stay in HK was by and large pleasant, generally free from any illnesses except for a temporary loss of weight due to dietary restrictions as a lacto-vegetarian and climatic changes. During that period I continued to follow developments in software engineering, but I spent most of my study hours on latest technologies, project management, software engineering management, quality management, and general management. Some of the stuff was nonsense, but I found and used much practical material also.
Soon I discovered my strengths. I was flexible, quick to learn and adaptable and moved from one company to another till I joined IBM and decided to stay and grow in that organization. My peers were more experienced and much more competitive than my peers previous companies. They had fresh perspectives and provocative opinions. They caused me to pause frequently, laugh regularly, and think differently. I soaked it all in. This is attested by the fact that I acquired proficiency in many programming languages within no time and I was strong with my basics. I lead by example and started managing by objectives. I placed great importance and emphasis on open, honest and direct communication which was always appreciated by my team and helped me command respect from my team members wherever I went. I establish and encourage a collaborative working environment and engage effectively and professionally with office mates. I have served as a mentor and I believe that I can be a source of helpful, rational, passionate and inspirational wisdom to people. I prefer coming to the office early to work alone, avoiding other people. Where I feel the most productive and engaged is when I'm buried in code, buried in some project, tweaking some designs.
I bring years of professional experience in mentoring, architecting, delivering and setting up information technology standards for Telecom, Retail, and Mortgage Banking and dot com industries. My professional, educational, leadership spirits including the ability to educate peers about new technology applications have always benefited the company. I'm very proud of the projects I have done together with my teams, and am grateful for the opportunity that I had. As many of us in this field now understand: great product is a result of great people, a lot of talent, professionalism and methodologies boiled together.
But after my years in IBM I was bored. I was suffering from the most insidious disease known to mankind, a disease that cripples millions of people every day: The Cancer of Complacency. My learning curve had flattened. I wasn’t growing. I wasn’t learning. I wasn’t challenging myself. I was stagnating. Thomas Edison once said, “Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” t was the dawn of the digital era, and the world of technology was exploding with possibilities and potential. A job change was required and at my initiation I moved to Sapient. Lots of new things to learn and many new digital tools to use in an aggressive Agile environment under insane deadlines. Probably one of the toughest jobs I had in my career. It was my next life test, as it was as different as I could have expected. I had made the jump to continue the learning and development experience. Why in the world would I do that? I saw something that was unique, that intrigued and inspired me, something that frankly surprised me. Working directly with customers was the change that made the decision easy. In my new role I was to interact more closely to the customers in workshops and propositions. Again the lesson was about adaptability, change, and continual learning.
I am a knowledge worker. I am happy to represent the growing population of workers whose brain is their brawn. The raw material and product of my work is information and knowledge. In Information Technology, I worked my way up from a programmer to an application architect. My acquaintance with service orientation, Java and SOA started in 2002. Consciously or subconsciously, I prefer a role of pure technologist, challenging the status quo in many aspects of IT business. As many others in our field, I struggled to find a simple answer why IT has so many problems, where they come from, whether we are only dealing with the consequences while the problems are somewhere else. I have found the roots of many IT problems in Business, particularly, in the Corporate Business. With this knowledge, I now work at the enterprise level in both business and technology architecture. Every job I've had pushed me to be better. I did boring, trivial programming for a large corporation and then moved to a company surrounded by really smart, ambitious programmers. I ended up being a much better programme. I can't identify all of the explicit ways those jobs helped me grow, but it's very clear that each new job did something.
Today I realize that if the mindset around Software Craftsmanship is going to grow positively, it is important that the more experienced developers play a role in guiding and assisting juniors in shaping their values for software development. I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a Software expert, but I am more like a journeyman striving towards one day becoming a software craftsman. And this is a journey and experience that makes me get up everyday to go do work I enjoy.
I hope to participate and facilitate in the creation of information and software solutions that leverage the power of legacy systems and utilize promising software technologies to create cost savings and new revenue sources. My job is not a 9 to 5 stint that I despise every day, rather I enjoy what I do and I enjoy investigating solutions to problems, whether at work or at home. There is nothing better than getting paid to do something that you really enjoy doing, essentially your hobby. This is a mindset I hope to instill in my children, in what ever career they undertake, so that their careers will also be something they enjoy doing one day. Software craftsmanship also allows me to give back to my colleagues. I think it is so important to play a mentoring role to junior developers who are apprenticing to become software developers. This allows me as a more senior developer to assist them on their journey to becoming better software developers. For me at 33, work and life are 2 different things. I'm a workoholic & work 6 days a week. I spend 15 hours on laptop as that's part of my job. My work destresses me. But I keep Sundays for my family. Luckily I have a wife who completely understands this and accepts me for who I am. One thing that helps me achieve work life balance is not getting stressed or irritated. In case I do I try to distract myself from the situation by doing something I enjoy. I get a high from work - being able to contribute to it. Nothing beats that feeling.
To these people I owe a debt of gratitude - First, I thank God for the opportunity to write code. There have been many opportunities that have come along in my career that I can only ascribe to providence. To write code and be able to provide for my family is a true blessing. To my wife, Bhavna, and sweet Mehar who have lovingly given me tons of room to spend countless hours noddling at my laptop, I say thank you. You are the reason I stay motivated. I’d also like to say thanks to my mom and dad, the two of you gave me my first taste.
Discovering the joy of programming was the spark that started my professional life. Shortly after I graduated from college, I began working in a start-up as a computer programmer for a large retail corporation based in Germany. I got the opportunity to work in some interesting projects. Things moved fast in start-up land. My coworkers became my new best buds. Like me they were all young, energetic minds with tolerances for caffeine and alcohol. They were my kind of people,” and post-work happy hours became an integral part of my social life. Since the Start-ups tend to work on a skeleton staff — there is no budget for QA, Infra & Design, and that means you have to turn your hand to a bit of everything, which provides invaluable insight into different aspects of running a company and shows how an project develops from inception to end. Also since it was collaborative, rather than a top-down organisation, so we did not have a boss unlike in the traditional sense of the word. This gave us more freedom to be creative and explore our own ideas. We as programmers dealt with everyone;
Being a small company, I had an opportunity to learn every aspect of software life cycle on my own and worked on several domains and languages until I made a final conscious decision to switch to Java since it was more acceptable in the IT sector and there was huge demand for JEE professionals. I worked closely with some fine programmers and I naturally took advantage of the opportunity to study the features that made their code so robust and maintainable.
Expanding My Horizons –
Although I enjoyed programming immensely, after two years or so it became clear to me that our company was not realizing many of the savings possible through the proper engineering of our software. Our manager, who was a very bright techie, had (correctly) arranged his life to spend time with their families rather than immersing themselves in books and discussion groups about cost-effective software development.
Never an introvert I started applying in other companies and soon got hired as a software consultant in a Hong Kong based company providing Risk Management and Business Intelligence Services. I got a chance to go onsite to HK during this period. I would work hard during the week and toured HK on weekends on backpack and had interesting experiences which will remain fresh in my mind forever. My 4-month long stay in HK was by and large pleasant, generally free from any illnesses except for a temporary loss of weight due to dietary restrictions as a lacto-vegetarian and climatic changes. During that period I continued to follow developments in software engineering, but I spent most of my study hours on latest technologies, project management, software engineering management, quality management, and general management. Some of the stuff was nonsense, but I found and used much practical material also.
Soon I discovered my strengths. I was flexible, quick to learn and adaptable and moved from one company to another till I joined IBM and decided to stay and grow in that organization. My peers were more experienced and much more competitive than my peers previous companies. They had fresh perspectives and provocative opinions. They caused me to pause frequently, laugh regularly, and think differently. I soaked it all in. This is attested by the fact that I acquired proficiency in many programming languages within no time and I was strong with my basics. I lead by example and started managing by objectives. I placed great importance and emphasis on open, honest and direct communication which was always appreciated by my team and helped me command respect from my team members wherever I went. I establish and encourage a collaborative working environment and engage effectively and professionally with office mates. I have served as a mentor and I believe that I can be a source of helpful, rational, passionate and inspirational wisdom to people. I prefer coming to the office early to work alone, avoiding other people. Where I feel the most productive and engaged is when I'm buried in code, buried in some project, tweaking some designs.
I bring years of professional experience in mentoring, architecting, delivering and setting up information technology standards for Telecom, Retail, and Mortgage Banking and dot com industries. My professional, educational, leadership spirits including the ability to educate peers about new technology applications have always benefited the company. I'm very proud of the projects I have done together with my teams, and am grateful for the opportunity that I had. As many of us in this field now understand: great product is a result of great people, a lot of talent, professionalism and methodologies boiled together.
But after my years in IBM I was bored. I was suffering from the most insidious disease known to mankind, a disease that cripples millions of people every day: The Cancer of Complacency. My learning curve had flattened. I wasn’t growing. I wasn’t learning. I wasn’t challenging myself. I was stagnating. Thomas Edison once said, “Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.” t was the dawn of the digital era, and the world of technology was exploding with possibilities and potential. A job change was required and at my initiation I moved to Sapient. Lots of new things to learn and many new digital tools to use in an aggressive Agile environment under insane deadlines. Probably one of the toughest jobs I had in my career. It was my next life test, as it was as different as I could have expected. I had made the jump to continue the learning and development experience. Why in the world would I do that? I saw something that was unique, that intrigued and inspired me, something that frankly surprised me. Working directly with customers was the change that made the decision easy. In my new role I was to interact more closely to the customers in workshops and propositions. Again the lesson was about adaptability, change, and continual learning.
I am a knowledge worker. I am happy to represent the growing population of workers whose brain is their brawn. The raw material and product of my work is information and knowledge. In Information Technology, I worked my way up from a programmer to an application architect. My acquaintance with service orientation, Java and SOA started in 2002. Consciously or subconsciously, I prefer a role of pure technologist, challenging the status quo in many aspects of IT business. As many others in our field, I struggled to find a simple answer why IT has so many problems, where they come from, whether we are only dealing with the consequences while the problems are somewhere else. I have found the roots of many IT problems in Business, particularly, in the Corporate Business. With this knowledge, I now work at the enterprise level in both business and technology architecture. Every job I've had pushed me to be better. I did boring, trivial programming for a large corporation and then moved to a company surrounded by really smart, ambitious programmers. I ended up being a much better programme. I can't identify all of the explicit ways those jobs helped me grow, but it's very clear that each new job did something.
Today I realize that if the mindset around Software Craftsmanship is going to grow positively, it is important that the more experienced developers play a role in guiding and assisting juniors in shaping their values for software development. I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a Software expert, but I am more like a journeyman striving towards one day becoming a software craftsman. And this is a journey and experience that makes me get up everyday to go do work I enjoy.
I hope to participate and facilitate in the creation of information and software solutions that leverage the power of legacy systems and utilize promising software technologies to create cost savings and new revenue sources. My job is not a 9 to 5 stint that I despise every day, rather I enjoy what I do and I enjoy investigating solutions to problems, whether at work or at home. There is nothing better than getting paid to do something that you really enjoy doing, essentially your hobby. This is a mindset I hope to instill in my children, in what ever career they undertake, so that their careers will also be something they enjoy doing one day. Software craftsmanship also allows me to give back to my colleagues. I think it is so important to play a mentoring role to junior developers who are apprenticing to become software developers. This allows me as a more senior developer to assist them on their journey to becoming better software developers. For me at 33, work and life are 2 different things. I'm a workoholic & work 6 days a week. I spend 15 hours on laptop as that's part of my job. My work destresses me. But I keep Sundays for my family. Luckily I have a wife who completely understands this and accepts me for who I am. One thing that helps me achieve work life balance is not getting stressed or irritated. In case I do I try to distract myself from the situation by doing something I enjoy. I get a high from work - being able to contribute to it. Nothing beats that feeling.
To these people I owe a debt of gratitude - First, I thank God for the opportunity to write code. There have been many opportunities that have come along in my career that I can only ascribe to providence. To write code and be able to provide for my family is a true blessing. To my wife, Bhavna, and sweet Mehar who have lovingly given me tons of room to spend countless hours noddling at my laptop, I say thank you. You are the reason I stay motivated. I’d also like to say thanks to my mom and dad, the two of you gave me my first taste.
What I learnt as a programmer- I have always been a student of a game called programming. I’m infinitely grateful to all the people who taught me these lessons and encouraged me to keep pressing forward. Here are some of the important things I have learnt as a programmer.
- Breaking problems down is my job. If a problem looks too complex, it was easy to get overwhelmed. This is the key mindset difference that makes programmers so damn special
- Sleep is important. Programming has taught me that your brain will chew on things for you and often bring you the answer after a good night’s sleep (or even a long walk). Letting your subconscious process things for you is a gift and a curse: I’ve had horrible code nightmares where I couldn’t solve a problem. But more often, I’ve awoken to find last night’s unsolveable problem quite easy to untangle.
- Don’t give in to the overwhelming temptation to quit. The highs are high, but prepare for soul-crushing, ego-obliterating lows. It’s important to build a network of people who know exactly how you feel.
- It’s not as hard as it looks
- Feedback is feedback. Being proven wrong is always an acceptable outcome, because it means you’re moving, and the “perfect opportunity” seems to prefer a moving target.
- It’s about the journey. This is probably the lesson that’s had the biggest impact on my life. It’s too easy to become so focused on chasing some big reward while missing all the wonderful experiences in between. If you can’t enjoy the journey you’re taking, you probably won’t love the destination either.
Marriage
Mine was an arranged marriage. To me arranged marriage is the only merit based system in India and having seen many love marriages breaking in close relations I had always decided to go for arranged one. I met my wife for the first time at Delhi Haat along with our parents for casual discussion. She had come to Dehradun specially for this meeting. The conversation flowed effortlessly and magnetically. I wondered if she was indeed the woman for whom I’d been searching and marveled at the possibility that we would be compatible. But I seemed to be waiting for a switch to flip inside me, some internal confirmation that she was the one for me. Then one magic day, when the stars were aligned and the signs were right, I got married to Bhavna on 11th May 2008 in Dayalbagh in a very simple ceremony with just 25 relatives and friends from each side. I believe she struck the right chord in me to make me truly resonate with her. Just like me she had a very simple upbringing and adjusted very well in our family. After marriage we proceeded on a short sightseeing holiday to Manali and as we drove across in a cab we stopped at every sight along the way.
The best decision that I ever made was that my #1 goal in life would be to make my wife happy, which then turned into my slogan for our marriage “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. I’ve shared this concept with many men over the years and normally we then share a smile and an understanding nod of the head. But, there are instances where I’ve been accused of being a wimp or accused of not having a back bone to stand up to my wife. After a momentary hit to my ego I’m able to stand back and silently assess the type of men that make these accusations, and without fail these men fail into certain category’s, men that have never been in a committed relationship, men that have failed relationships in their past, or men that are in a dead end relationship where neither they nor their partner are happy. My ego is then quickly restored because I know that I have a happy and fulfilling relationship with my wife who is also trying her hardest to make my life happy.
The key to this concept is that almost all women when they are treated well and believe that your goal is to make them happy then make it their mission in life to make you happy. I’ve been blessed in my life to be surrounded by marriages that were examples of this, both my wife’s Parents and my Parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversaries next year, both of my Grandparents were in committed happy marriages until their passing, along with many other relatives and friends that have wonderful and loving marriages. The consistent theme that I’ve noticed in these marriages is that both partners want the very best for their spouses and although I have no way of knowing which partner started this positive behavior it really doesn’t matter, both spouses want their partners to be happy and they want to do whatever they can to make this happen.
It's not quite here yet, but my 5th wedding anniversary is practically around the corner. It's something that I'm looking forward to both because it's a celebration of us being together and because it's also a celebration of what we have become together. While I won't pretend that it has been nothing but wedded bliss from the time my wife and I first exchanged vows at the courthouse, I can't help but look in the mirror on occasion and realize the number of ways I've changed since we first got married. While some of the things are related to us having kids, I can honestly point to five ways being a husband has changed me a better person overall.
Spending time with her now makes me believe that Opposites do attract ! My wife is an Extrovert, talkative, little immature, bold, outspoken and damn emotional whereas I am an Introvert, hardly speak with anyone unless I know that person too well and somewhat reserved. Two opposite personalities yet we get along like a house on fire. Happily married for 8 years now. The first time we met via an arranged marriage setup, we disapproved each other as she spoke a lot and I hardly did. Call it destiny, our parents liked us a lot. They made us meet a few more times informally, and that's when we realised we liked each other. It's said that you need to marry a person opposite to you as whatever you lack will be fulfilled by them. That's why it's said to be your "better half". Undoubtedly, she completes me in every possible way. The peace, the stability, the immense warmth, the listener, the soother, the confidant.. I got everything I could've asked for. Hopefully, I complete her too as whenever the need requires while she speaks on my behalf where I goes all tongue-tied and refrain from socializing.
We are at times foes and at time friends; certainly not lovers but are husband-wife and inherently love each other even though we may keep denying all the time how our love has gone out of the windows. I was attracted to her being down to earth. If I am flying high she has the string to the kite. She is the source of me being grounded. She listens to and values my opinions. She neither imposes a pre-formed decision on me nor will take a decision alone. She has a unique talent in understanding my needs and the needs of others in the family without verbal implication. Only thing is she like most others puts in much emotional drama and isn't practical.
There are tons of other big and small ways that I have changed since I got married. At the same time, I'm still the same person I was before. I'm still incredibly shy until I get to know someone quite well (and this often translates to me being snobbish). I'm still grumpy at times. I am still passionate and have the same interests. I'm still me.
The best decision that I ever made was that my #1 goal in life would be to make my wife happy, which then turned into my slogan for our marriage “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. I’ve shared this concept with many men over the years and normally we then share a smile and an understanding nod of the head. But, there are instances where I’ve been accused of being a wimp or accused of not having a back bone to stand up to my wife. After a momentary hit to my ego I’m able to stand back and silently assess the type of men that make these accusations, and without fail these men fail into certain category’s, men that have never been in a committed relationship, men that have failed relationships in their past, or men that are in a dead end relationship where neither they nor their partner are happy. My ego is then quickly restored because I know that I have a happy and fulfilling relationship with my wife who is also trying her hardest to make my life happy.
The key to this concept is that almost all women when they are treated well and believe that your goal is to make them happy then make it their mission in life to make you happy. I’ve been blessed in my life to be surrounded by marriages that were examples of this, both my wife’s Parents and my Parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversaries next year, both of my Grandparents were in committed happy marriages until their passing, along with many other relatives and friends that have wonderful and loving marriages. The consistent theme that I’ve noticed in these marriages is that both partners want the very best for their spouses and although I have no way of knowing which partner started this positive behavior it really doesn’t matter, both spouses want their partners to be happy and they want to do whatever they can to make this happen.
It's not quite here yet, but my 5th wedding anniversary is practically around the corner. It's something that I'm looking forward to both because it's a celebration of us being together and because it's also a celebration of what we have become together. While I won't pretend that it has been nothing but wedded bliss from the time my wife and I first exchanged vows at the courthouse, I can't help but look in the mirror on occasion and realize the number of ways I've changed since we first got married. While some of the things are related to us having kids, I can honestly point to five ways being a husband has changed me a better person overall.
- First, I am much better at budgeting my time. I used to procrastinate a lot. OK, to be fair, I still do. But, it's not even close to the same level as it was before. Part of being married is finding time to spend together and, since that means working around jobs and kids, I'm forced to use my time much more wisely.
- I'm also much more social. I'm a bit of an introvert and, as part of that, have never been much of a social butterfly. And, even today, I'm still a bit limited when it comes to that. But, being married did force me to socialize much more than before, both because of necessary interactions with my wife's friends.
- Another benefit of being married is I eat healthier. Even though I can’t cook, I like to spend some time in kitchen trying to assist her.
- Fourth, I'm much better about planning for the future. Prior to getting married, I didn't even think about the future all that much. In fact, I didn't even have a life insurance until a few months before our wedding.
- My wife and I certainly differ on things like how much clothing we should own, how we decorate the house. Those things are always a balancing act, but they lead to conversations and opportunities to get to know each other.
Spending time with her now makes me believe that Opposites do attract ! My wife is an Extrovert, talkative, little immature, bold, outspoken and damn emotional whereas I am an Introvert, hardly speak with anyone unless I know that person too well and somewhat reserved. Two opposite personalities yet we get along like a house on fire. Happily married for 8 years now. The first time we met via an arranged marriage setup, we disapproved each other as she spoke a lot and I hardly did. Call it destiny, our parents liked us a lot. They made us meet a few more times informally, and that's when we realised we liked each other. It's said that you need to marry a person opposite to you as whatever you lack will be fulfilled by them. That's why it's said to be your "better half". Undoubtedly, she completes me in every possible way. The peace, the stability, the immense warmth, the listener, the soother, the confidant.. I got everything I could've asked for. Hopefully, I complete her too as whenever the need requires while she speaks on my behalf where I goes all tongue-tied and refrain from socializing.
We are at times foes and at time friends; certainly not lovers but are husband-wife and inherently love each other even though we may keep denying all the time how our love has gone out of the windows. I was attracted to her being down to earth. If I am flying high she has the string to the kite. She is the source of me being grounded. She listens to and values my opinions. She neither imposes a pre-formed decision on me nor will take a decision alone. She has a unique talent in understanding my needs and the needs of others in the family without verbal implication. Only thing is she like most others puts in much emotional drama and isn't practical.
There are tons of other big and small ways that I have changed since I got married. At the same time, I'm still the same person I was before. I'm still incredibly shy until I get to know someone quite well (and this often translates to me being snobbish). I'm still grumpy at times. I am still passionate and have the same interests. I'm still me.
Losing my Dad to Cancer
I lost my dad to lung cancer 5 yrs. back. We were told by the Cancer Specialists in AIIMS Hospital that he had only 6 months before he died when he went into hospital with just a chest infection. He had previously been to the doctor 2 weeks before who prescribed antibiotics and was sent on his way but he worsened and had to rushed back to the hospital where they gave him more medication. But it didn't help. I think sometimes the Lord just breaks you down bare to nothing to make you realize you do need him. Initially the doctors were amazed with the speed he was recovering. He Then, things started going downhill again. Watching him suffer in the hospital was just so awful and this is the hardest part of it all. After months of pain and agony, praying, fighting, and hoping…the day arrived. For the few weeks before he passed away, he and Mom spent most of that time alone together. Doctors did the best they could, they did radiation, started the chemo but he ended up getting sick and his white blood cell count wouldn’t rise back up. There was nothing left for them to do except keep him as comfortable as possible until he passed away. I wanted to be there when he passed and it was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed in my life. He was in so much pain for so long; I just kept hoping and praying for a miracle. As time passes I see more and more of how he has influenced my life, my choices, and who I've become. He was having breathing attacks the night before he passed away and then the early hours of Sunday morning I woke up next to his hospital bed to find that he had left his mortal body. I never thought this would take my dad as he was always such a fit and busy man and nothing was ever too much he truly was a wonderful loving family man.
He was only 58 when he died and was a fitness fanatic who tried to live as healthy lifestyle as possible, a really wonderful and fantastic role model to all who knew him. For almost 6 months after he passed away I struggled hard to come to terms with his loss and would find the days and nights sometimes intolerable and very dark. After he died the one thing I had to keep repeating to myself is "he's not hurting anymore." Even when I miss him, and think about how he'll never walk me down the aisle or see my children, I have to stop and remind myself of how much pain he was in, and how he'll never have to hurt like that again. I still feel that he is watching over us. It makes me want to be a better person knowing that he could be watching me. These days at home, I sometimes miss my dad’s frank commentaries as he read the newspapers or watched television. He had the ability to make concise analyses of burning issues. In 2009 my father fell victim to cancer and I watched him die slowly and painfully as he battled it. During that time, my job seemed becoming mundane and what I once thought was my mission in life became void of any meaning. It was after that that I decided to invest more time nourishing what was truly important for my life -
I am always triggered by my work and that's a virtue I have inherited from my father. I have throughout my life tried to emulate my father in daily conduct and have inherited self dicipline and frugality from my father.But it probably sounds weird but I am convinced I am luckier than most to have had this experience. I was able to travel this path with my parents and put everything else on hold. Not everyone has that opportunity. I hear all the time about family members who don’t get to say goodbye.
He was only 58 when he died and was a fitness fanatic who tried to live as healthy lifestyle as possible, a really wonderful and fantastic role model to all who knew him. For almost 6 months after he passed away I struggled hard to come to terms with his loss and would find the days and nights sometimes intolerable and very dark. After he died the one thing I had to keep repeating to myself is "he's not hurting anymore." Even when I miss him, and think about how he'll never walk me down the aisle or see my children, I have to stop and remind myself of how much pain he was in, and how he'll never have to hurt like that again. I still feel that he is watching over us. It makes me want to be a better person knowing that he could be watching me. These days at home, I sometimes miss my dad’s frank commentaries as he read the newspapers or watched television. He had the ability to make concise analyses of burning issues. In 2009 my father fell victim to cancer and I watched him die slowly and painfully as he battled it. During that time, my job seemed becoming mundane and what I once thought was my mission in life became void of any meaning. It was after that that I decided to invest more time nourishing what was truly important for my life -
I am always triggered by my work and that's a virtue I have inherited from my father. I have throughout my life tried to emulate my father in daily conduct and have inherited self dicipline and frugality from my father.But it probably sounds weird but I am convinced I am luckier than most to have had this experience. I was able to travel this path with my parents and put everything else on hold. Not everyone has that opportunity. I hear all the time about family members who don’t get to say goodbye.
Fatherhood
Almost two years after marriage on 30th Aug 2010 we were blessed with a beautiful daughter whom we named "Mehar" meaning "Blessing of God". The news absolutely floored me. This would be the first baby girl in our family and represented a significant life change for us all. While my wife was expecting every time I felt baby's movements and every time I heard her heart beat I rejoiced and would thank the Almighty.
I couldn't believe how emotional I became when the doctor told me we had a girl. I for never aspired for a son and always prayed GOD for a good soul as a baby. I remember the moment of the birth, bright light and nurses milling about and then a living, tiny creature being whisked away and soon after, she's in my arms. I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications, and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. I looked at her, all wrinkly. I thought, this is my daughter. I thought, this is it? I thought, I'm a dad. I thought, now what? What does she need? Is she ok? Can I kiss her? Sure I can. She was warm and soft and fidgety and she was a person, very small, but distinctly a person. And I thought, this is it. The nurse asked me to hand the baby back to her. I was a little bit uneasy at doing this. I understood this child better than she did. She was my baby. How did I know the nurse would be sufficiently gentle? This was my love, not hers. But then the nurse put the baby down on my wife and my wife held the baby and I could see the same love between the two of them.
Children bond to parents, but the bonding of parents to a child is just as strong, maybe stronger. Her life begins and I'm just a supporting actor in her play. Some dads take about a year to get attached to a newborn child - I know, they told me. It took me twenty seconds. 6 months after she was born I was walking around the house late nights with her in my arms trying to make her sleep and after 9 months she was already talking, pointing at things, asking questions, though she was as small as a kitten. She was a perfect shadow of her mom. She was like a little peanut :) I made sure that I accompanied my wife to the Doctors and the Ultrasounds religiously. When I first got to hold my little bundle of joy it was a great feeling ...and the start of a great journey. The first time I saw her and held her in my arms with all of my heart I wanted her to open her eyes and look at me. I could not believe that the little one who was till now swinging motions within her mother's womb had appeared gravity-driven world of the outside. It was when I saw Mehar for the first time that I truly understood what a miracle life is. To hold this little human being, with her little fingers and tiny feet, left me in awe of just how truly amazing life is. I had so many emotions rushing around inside of me and this sense of awe has changed how I view my everyday surroundings, in particular nature. It was only after I became a father that I became aware of my own mortality. I had never felt so alive, but by the same token I had never felt so vulnerable. I would now drive home particularly careful at nights when returning from home, knowing that my life now had a new meaning. I became more responsible of my duties and started planning for my life ahead starting with a life insurance policy for my family. What fatherhood has done is to help me understand what a wonderful feeling it is to live with meaning.
Almost every day I & my wife marvel at how much bigger she has gotten. "She looks taller. Look at how big she is. I can't believe she can do that". Those are the things I and Bhavna say -- over and over again. When she throws tantrums, her mouth contorts into your signature cry-face that is simultaneously horrible and hilarious. Three years ago today, I couldn't have comprehended such things. She was fragile and alien. She loves to carry a stuffed animal or character around with at all times. I try to spend as much time as possible with her in the mornings and once I reach home from work. Early mornings start out as a milestone. It is a daunting task to get her dressed for her playschool as she runs circles around the house and goes limp in my arms when I tried to get pants on her. Mehar likes to be carried around all the time. Whenever I get tired of holding her, I try to remember that a year from now she's going to be squirming to get out of my arms – and I'm going to miss these days.
I am high strung and high energy. I don't like people who are complacent and incompetent. My arrogance is in my work but it's not there when I pray to god or when I love my daughter.
Now she goes to play school but from next session she would be joining her nursery in proper school. You see, up to now, she has been queen of the roost. She has been the boss of the backyard. I have always been around to repair her wounds, and I have always been handy to soothe her feelings. But now things are going to be different. After a few days she is going to walk down the front steps, wave her hand, and start on a great adventure that probably will include wars and tragedy and sorrow. So, World, I wish you would sort of take her by her young hands and teach her the things she will have to know. Teach her but gently, if you can.
Fatherhood has made me more caring and emotional. I learnt to value the basic beauty of family watching her grow and evolve. Being a father has changed me in so many levels and made me more generous and alive. I see my daughter as part of my life and it means so much to me to educate her and help her make her way in the world. I love being a father and all the responsibilities it entails. I feel like the richest man alive since I have become a father. When she arrived, I was scared, after all it was a huge responsibility as I had to set a standard against which she will judge all men. But then like a force of nature she took over our lives. She changed my priorities, became my source of strength, every time she hugged me while leaving for work it seemed like she were transferring some of her superpower to me and I really needed it to get through the day. She taught her mopey father how to forgive. Everyday I see in her eyes, she reminds me to be the best man I could be. In her, I have found my teammate, my partner in crime and my magic potion
I couldn't believe how emotional I became when the doctor told me we had a girl. I for never aspired for a son and always prayed GOD for a good soul as a baby. I remember the moment of the birth, bright light and nurses milling about and then a living, tiny creature being whisked away and soon after, she's in my arms. I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications, and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. I looked at her, all wrinkly. I thought, this is my daughter. I thought, this is it? I thought, I'm a dad. I thought, now what? What does she need? Is she ok? Can I kiss her? Sure I can. She was warm and soft and fidgety and she was a person, very small, but distinctly a person. And I thought, this is it. The nurse asked me to hand the baby back to her. I was a little bit uneasy at doing this. I understood this child better than she did. She was my baby. How did I know the nurse would be sufficiently gentle? This was my love, not hers. But then the nurse put the baby down on my wife and my wife held the baby and I could see the same love between the two of them.
Children bond to parents, but the bonding of parents to a child is just as strong, maybe stronger. Her life begins and I'm just a supporting actor in her play. Some dads take about a year to get attached to a newborn child - I know, they told me. It took me twenty seconds. 6 months after she was born I was walking around the house late nights with her in my arms trying to make her sleep and after 9 months she was already talking, pointing at things, asking questions, though she was as small as a kitten. She was a perfect shadow of her mom. She was like a little peanut :) I made sure that I accompanied my wife to the Doctors and the Ultrasounds religiously. When I first got to hold my little bundle of joy it was a great feeling ...and the start of a great journey. The first time I saw her and held her in my arms with all of my heart I wanted her to open her eyes and look at me. I could not believe that the little one who was till now swinging motions within her mother's womb had appeared gravity-driven world of the outside. It was when I saw Mehar for the first time that I truly understood what a miracle life is. To hold this little human being, with her little fingers and tiny feet, left me in awe of just how truly amazing life is. I had so many emotions rushing around inside of me and this sense of awe has changed how I view my everyday surroundings, in particular nature. It was only after I became a father that I became aware of my own mortality. I had never felt so alive, but by the same token I had never felt so vulnerable. I would now drive home particularly careful at nights when returning from home, knowing that my life now had a new meaning. I became more responsible of my duties and started planning for my life ahead starting with a life insurance policy for my family. What fatherhood has done is to help me understand what a wonderful feeling it is to live with meaning.
Almost every day I & my wife marvel at how much bigger she has gotten. "She looks taller. Look at how big she is. I can't believe she can do that". Those are the things I and Bhavna say -- over and over again. When she throws tantrums, her mouth contorts into your signature cry-face that is simultaneously horrible and hilarious. Three years ago today, I couldn't have comprehended such things. She was fragile and alien. She loves to carry a stuffed animal or character around with at all times. I try to spend as much time as possible with her in the mornings and once I reach home from work. Early mornings start out as a milestone. It is a daunting task to get her dressed for her playschool as she runs circles around the house and goes limp in my arms when I tried to get pants on her. Mehar likes to be carried around all the time. Whenever I get tired of holding her, I try to remember that a year from now she's going to be squirming to get out of my arms – and I'm going to miss these days.
I am high strung and high energy. I don't like people who are complacent and incompetent. My arrogance is in my work but it's not there when I pray to god or when I love my daughter.
Now she goes to play school but from next session she would be joining her nursery in proper school. You see, up to now, she has been queen of the roost. She has been the boss of the backyard. I have always been around to repair her wounds, and I have always been handy to soothe her feelings. But now things are going to be different. After a few days she is going to walk down the front steps, wave her hand, and start on a great adventure that probably will include wars and tragedy and sorrow. So, World, I wish you would sort of take her by her young hands and teach her the things she will have to know. Teach her but gently, if you can.
Fatherhood has made me more caring and emotional. I learnt to value the basic beauty of family watching her grow and evolve. Being a father has changed me in so many levels and made me more generous and alive. I see my daughter as part of my life and it means so much to me to educate her and help her make her way in the world. I love being a father and all the responsibilities it entails. I feel like the richest man alive since I have become a father. When she arrived, I was scared, after all it was a huge responsibility as I had to set a standard against which she will judge all men. But then like a force of nature she took over our lives. She changed my priorities, became my source of strength, every time she hugged me while leaving for work it seemed like she were transferring some of her superpower to me and I really needed it to get through the day. She taught her mopey father how to forgive. Everyday I see in her eyes, she reminds me to be the best man I could be. In her, I have found my teammate, my partner in crime and my magic potion
On Being a Dad
Being a dad is messy … not just the many spills, diapers changes, waking up mid-nights to prepare milks and finger-painted walls you have to clean up, but messy because nothing ever goes as planned. It’s messy because you start out with the best of intentions, hoping to be super dad and loving and perfect, and then it all goes to hell.
As my daughter grows up things get said, tempers flare, feelings get hurt, you get mad at each other. Kids never turn out as planned, and neither does your life. You hope for one thing, and get a wonderful mess in return. How I love the mess I’ve gotten. I have realized that being a father is about uncertainty. You create a kid, and you are flooded with uncertainty, because you don’t know how to do any of this. You don’t know how your kids will turn out, and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. All of a sudden, you’re up to bat, and the pressure is on you, not just to provide, not just to keep a fragile human being alive, but to be their role model, to shape them, to make them happy. And none of it comes with a manual. They have problems, like a kid teased them at school, or bullied them, teacher calling out during PTMs that she needs to be fast, she is struggling with motivation or boredom or fitting in … and I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I try my best, but in the end you don’t know. It’s filled with uncertainty. However an important thing that I have come to observe is that being a dad is about uncertainty, but it’s also about love. You are scared witless, and yet you make it through all of this because you love them endlessly, you are undone by your love for them. And I'm not alone, of course. I am here joined in this uncertain journey by her loving mother and Dadi, who are amazing and who bear the brunt of the burdens and messiness and uncertainty.
In the end, when she grows up, then the uncertainty will only increase. I don’t know she they’ll deal with life, but I know she’ll be amazing with great values that her mother is imbibing in her almost religiously. And so in the end, I feel fatherhood is being there until kids don’t need you to be there, until they do again. What a joyful thing, to be a dad.
Next set of the BEST days of my life started after my baby boy Arya was born! What makes all of us smile at home everyday is my little “nightmare” whom we named Arya. Since the day he was born, every single day, he's the #1 source of our smiles at home. He’s always happy and that happiness simply makes our days really special! I truly don't have writing abilities to describe how much joy this little guy has brought into our lives. His sister enjoys playing with him, and me and my wife, well, we are overwhelmed with joy. Our lives at home went from the normal daily routines to unexpected sparks of fun and happiness that makes us laugh and fool around. Everyone in my family has been transformed by such a wonderful gift our little ‘surprise’ has brought to us. Turned out to be the biggest unexpected blessing in our family life. God had good plans. I now believe and understand that He knows how to make us happy, but I need to trust Him.
Even in the middle of the most difficult parenting days, my life would be meaningless without my 2 beautiful kids who constantly push me out of my comfort zone.
As my daughter grows up things get said, tempers flare, feelings get hurt, you get mad at each other. Kids never turn out as planned, and neither does your life. You hope for one thing, and get a wonderful mess in return. How I love the mess I’ve gotten. I have realized that being a father is about uncertainty. You create a kid, and you are flooded with uncertainty, because you don’t know how to do any of this. You don’t know how your kids will turn out, and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. All of a sudden, you’re up to bat, and the pressure is on you, not just to provide, not just to keep a fragile human being alive, but to be their role model, to shape them, to make them happy. And none of it comes with a manual. They have problems, like a kid teased them at school, or bullied them, teacher calling out during PTMs that she needs to be fast, she is struggling with motivation or boredom or fitting in … and I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I try my best, but in the end you don’t know. It’s filled with uncertainty. However an important thing that I have come to observe is that being a dad is about uncertainty, but it’s also about love. You are scared witless, and yet you make it through all of this because you love them endlessly, you are undone by your love for them. And I'm not alone, of course. I am here joined in this uncertain journey by her loving mother and Dadi, who are amazing and who bear the brunt of the burdens and messiness and uncertainty.
In the end, when she grows up, then the uncertainty will only increase. I don’t know she they’ll deal with life, but I know she’ll be amazing with great values that her mother is imbibing in her almost religiously. And so in the end, I feel fatherhood is being there until kids don’t need you to be there, until they do again. What a joyful thing, to be a dad.
Next set of the BEST days of my life started after my baby boy Arya was born! What makes all of us smile at home everyday is my little “nightmare” whom we named Arya. Since the day he was born, every single day, he's the #1 source of our smiles at home. He’s always happy and that happiness simply makes our days really special! I truly don't have writing abilities to describe how much joy this little guy has brought into our lives. His sister enjoys playing with him, and me and my wife, well, we are overwhelmed with joy. Our lives at home went from the normal daily routines to unexpected sparks of fun and happiness that makes us laugh and fool around. Everyone in my family has been transformed by such a wonderful gift our little ‘surprise’ has brought to us. Turned out to be the biggest unexpected blessing in our family life. God had good plans. I now believe and understand that He knows how to make us happy, but I need to trust Him.
Even in the middle of the most difficult parenting days, my life would be meaningless without my 2 beautiful kids who constantly push me out of my comfort zone.
Spiritual Life
As a kid I was not particularly religious. Though open to religion, I never accompanied my parents to a Sunday prayers. On the contrary today I find myself committed to it. This transformation happened after I went through a rough patch in life and as I struggled through each roadblock as I entered my adolescence and later when I completed my studies . Thus began an intense spiritual journey that changed my life. Today I find myself as an active youth of a satsang community. My faith in God is my absolute assurance of total fulfillment in every area of my life. I have so many unanswered questions on faith, but through it all I somehow feel there. To me Spirituality is not about religion. It is about faith, about being held and forgiven. It's about finding joy and home. The irony is that I never meet anyone who doesn't want to be loved or held or forgiven. Yet I meet a lot of folk who hate religion. And I so sympathize.
I’ve been reading about quantum physics lately. Though I don't comprehend every bit of what I read about it, yet from the little bit I could understand, my faith in HIM has grown and deepened constantly, and evolved in ways that I never imagined it would. I realized that having faith in "Something" and believing that "Somebody" up there is watching me every time made me God fearing and always stopped me from any wrong doing and forcing me to asses every action I take. I visit the ashram which is a home more than just a home and is full of idyllic and serene surroundings and serenity. The find the physical surroundings of the ashram alluring and fascinating each time I get a chance to visit it. More importantly it gives me a chance to escape from the stresses and strains of every day life and escape from the world I'm trying to create for myself. Today I tend to believe that everything happens for a reason.
I’ve been reading about quantum physics lately. Though I don't comprehend every bit of what I read about it, yet from the little bit I could understand, my faith in HIM has grown and deepened constantly, and evolved in ways that I never imagined it would. I realized that having faith in "Something" and believing that "Somebody" up there is watching me every time made me God fearing and always stopped me from any wrong doing and forcing me to asses every action I take. I visit the ashram which is a home more than just a home and is full of idyllic and serene surroundings and serenity. The find the physical surroundings of the ashram alluring and fascinating each time I get a chance to visit it. More importantly it gives me a chance to escape from the stresses and strains of every day life and escape from the world I'm trying to create for myself. Today I tend to believe that everything happens for a reason.
Memories of Childhood
Everyone’s life is full of memories. Leaving back all these tensions, career dreams, work pressure aside those days were full of life when we never had anything to worry about. My childhood days were really fantastic with my sweet friends and elder brother. I used have a hell lot of fights with him. The degree to which we fight could be more than the hottest days of Delhi.The sounds during the fight would actually break a glass like they show in that onida advertisement. I still remember the time when we were shifting out of our rented house to another one the neighbours had come home and said..’Oh from now onwards there won’t be any sound of kids fighting’. The fights that we had during the childhood days has really given a few scars here and there as a sign for us to remember those days. But at the end of the fight it usually happened that the elder brother got scoldings from parents and I used to sit and enjoy that sight.
Early days: Growing up in Delhi, since my parents were both working, I and my brother were enrolled in crèche from the age of about four. Those days the crèches were not too professionals and we somehow did not have a very pleasant stay there. I would often complain about the crèche to my parents once they were back in the evening from office to pick us up. I remember standing on the balcony waiting for them to arrive and pick me up. My parents soon realized that this wasn't going anywhere; neither could they afford to leave their jobs at the same time. Hence they decided that me and my brother would go directly to home from schools. The thought initially frightened them we being very young and new to the city. But slowly everything started falling in place.
Memories of my school admission: The memory of my admission at school is still fresh in my life mind. My parents took me to the nearest primary school for admission along with my brother. I was taken to the headmistress's room where I was interviewed by 2 teachers. At first i got frightened but then I recited a poem something like "khao tamatar laal laal, ho jayen cheeks laal laal". The teachers and headmistress gave back a very cute smile and agreeed to enroll me in their school
Memories of playmates: I always remember the playground which was quite far from our house. I always used to play there with my friends. We were the only ones in the colony who had all the cricket gear and football so we were always cajoled by our playmates and we would often be made the captains,
Not all of my memories are joyful. My parents were amazing with our finances and stretching every rupee. They never really told us brothers we were hard up but we knew as much as we could understand at our tender age, what our situation was and what we could do to make it better. We were not poor, but we were not wealthy by any means. Hence I and my brother never indulged in anything and learned to not take things for granted. We never asked our parents for video games, computers or gadgets or even pocket money in our college days. Although birthdays was wonderful exception to this rule when we were asked what we would like to have as b'day gifts. As I grew I realised the true value of money. When I started earning I realised spending versus financial peace of mind. This mindset change wasn't overnight. But slowly all of the lessons my parents intentionally and subconsciously taught me throughout my childhood, started coming up to the surface. As a kid I would see my parents struggle to make the both ends meet. I did learn a lot about money from my parents, and hope to be able to teach some of the lessons to my own kids too, both right and wrong. I'm thankful for everything I could learn from my parents because it has been and is shaping who I am in many ways. We were not poor, but there was no money for what was perceived to be an individualistic indulgent desire. At the time I was growing up, discussing finances was taboo and money matters weren't discussed, but that doesn't mean as a child I was clueless of what our financial state was. One of my earliest memories is of moving to a different rented house after every 2-3 years. But despite all that we kids were very content.
Early days: Growing up in Delhi, since my parents were both working, I and my brother were enrolled in crèche from the age of about four. Those days the crèches were not too professionals and we somehow did not have a very pleasant stay there. I would often complain about the crèche to my parents once they were back in the evening from office to pick us up. I remember standing on the balcony waiting for them to arrive and pick me up. My parents soon realized that this wasn't going anywhere; neither could they afford to leave their jobs at the same time. Hence they decided that me and my brother would go directly to home from schools. The thought initially frightened them we being very young and new to the city. But slowly everything started falling in place.
Memories of my school admission: The memory of my admission at school is still fresh in my life mind. My parents took me to the nearest primary school for admission along with my brother. I was taken to the headmistress's room where I was interviewed by 2 teachers. At first i got frightened but then I recited a poem something like "khao tamatar laal laal, ho jayen cheeks laal laal". The teachers and headmistress gave back a very cute smile and agreeed to enroll me in their school
Memories of playmates: I always remember the playground which was quite far from our house. I always used to play there with my friends. We were the only ones in the colony who had all the cricket gear and football so we were always cajoled by our playmates and we would often be made the captains,
Not all of my memories are joyful. My parents were amazing with our finances and stretching every rupee. They never really told us brothers we were hard up but we knew as much as we could understand at our tender age, what our situation was and what we could do to make it better. We were not poor, but we were not wealthy by any means. Hence I and my brother never indulged in anything and learned to not take things for granted. We never asked our parents for video games, computers or gadgets or even pocket money in our college days. Although birthdays was wonderful exception to this rule when we were asked what we would like to have as b'day gifts. As I grew I realised the true value of money. When I started earning I realised spending versus financial peace of mind. This mindset change wasn't overnight. But slowly all of the lessons my parents intentionally and subconsciously taught me throughout my childhood, started coming up to the surface. As a kid I would see my parents struggle to make the both ends meet. I did learn a lot about money from my parents, and hope to be able to teach some of the lessons to my own kids too, both right and wrong. I'm thankful for everything I could learn from my parents because it has been and is shaping who I am in many ways. We were not poor, but there was no money for what was perceived to be an individualistic indulgent desire. At the time I was growing up, discussing finances was taboo and money matters weren't discussed, but that doesn't mean as a child I was clueless of what our financial state was. One of my earliest memories is of moving to a different rented house after every 2-3 years. But despite all that we kids were very content.
I think that pretty much sums up the my life. Maybe before I die, I'll be able to fill two more pages about my life. This portfolio really helped me analyze how much more I need to do in life.
I have really enjoyed writing this memoir and would suggest you all to try the same. As for how to actually organize your memoir, my advice is, again, think small. Tackle your life in easily manageable chunks. Don’t visualize the finished product, the grand edifice you have vowed to construct. That will only make you anxious. Here’s what I suggest. Go to your desk on Monday morning and write about some event that’s still vivid in your memory. What you write doesn’t have to be long—three pages, five pages—but it should have a beginning and an end. Put that episode in a folder and get on with your life. Keep this up for two months, or three months, or six months. You’ll begin to glimpse your story’s narrative shape and the road you want to take. Then all you have to do is put the pieces together.
I have really enjoyed writing this memoir and would suggest you all to try the same. As for how to actually organize your memoir, my advice is, again, think small. Tackle your life in easily manageable chunks. Don’t visualize the finished product, the grand edifice you have vowed to construct. That will only make you anxious. Here’s what I suggest. Go to your desk on Monday morning and write about some event that’s still vivid in your memory. What you write doesn’t have to be long—three pages, five pages—but it should have a beginning and an end. Put that episode in a folder and get on with your life. Keep this up for two months, or three months, or six months. You’ll begin to glimpse your story’s narrative shape and the road you want to take. Then all you have to do is put the pieces together.